Stellar Basketball Physics

So the Onion’s gone and mixed some astrophysics with basketball. Headline:

“Shaq Terrified Of Phoenix Suns After Reading About Supernovas”

(Image on right also from the Onion.)
You can tell how it’s going to go from the title, although it’s rather amusing just how much stellar astrophysics they pour into the article (not even trying to disguise it much). Extract:

…new Phoenix Suns center Shaquille O’Neal admitted Monday that, upon reading about the phenomenon of massive stellar explosions popularly known as supernovas, he is now terrified of the entire organization.

(Wow… Shaq isn’t in LA any more? Huh. I’m so out of it. Update: Oh, yeah, I remember now. He went to Miami in 2004. Evidently I don’t follow the NBA.)

…and further:

“I have a family to think of,” continued a visually tense O’Neal, who later stated that, because supernovas occur in our galaxy once every 40 to 50 years, the Suns, having joined the league in 1968, are “due for a big one.”

While O’Neal said that simply being a part of the Suns’ runaway-nuclear-fusion-reaction style of play would be frightening enough, he added that learning how an aging supergiant star typically ends its life cycle in a violent explosion was a profoundly terrifying experience. The 35-year-old center, who considers himself a super-giant star in the twilight of his career, has refused to go anywhere near his new teammates.

…and so it goes on… I’ll let you go read the full thing.

I’m curious about something. I giggle a lot at these sciency Onion ones a lot -example reasons are no doubt the juxtaposition of some familiar terms with another topic, or their often highly accurate mimicking of the presentation styles or settings from science- but I can’t tell how funny they are to non-scientists. Care to share your thoughts on this?

(Of course, their brilliant report on the kitchen floor conflicts this week is universally funny, right? Or is it only cat lovers that like it?)

-cvj