That Ain’t Workin’

Remember the Tune “Money for Nothing”, by Dire Straits? It was a big hit in the 80s. (Remember those?) Well, Warren of the new blog A Strange Universe* wrote a rather brilliant physics version of it, to be sung to the same tune. The “stringer” is the object of the ridicule of the song’s character. The original post is here, where he’ll tell you his thoughts on the song. I can’t resist (I hope he forgives me) posting the entire thing here, rather than an extract, which would break up its impact. (Original song’s lyrics are here, by the way, for comparison.)

So here it is:

Papers for Nothing (with apologies to Dire Straits)

Now look at them stringers, that’s the way you do it,
You make conjectures at the ITP,
That ain’t workin’, that’s the way you do it,
Papers for nothin’ in Nuc. Phys. B,
Now that ain’t workin’, that’s the way you do it,
Lemme tell ya them dweebs ain’t dumb,
Maybe gotta do a little D-brane counting,
Maybe gotta do a little sum.

We gotta crank out PN expansions,
Gotta integrate numerically,
We gotta fix our gauge conditions,
We gotta put in factors of c.

See that little stringer with the research position,
Yeah buddy, they don’t teach there,
That little stringer made a new conjecture,
That little stringer got an endowed chair.

We gotta crank out PN expansions,
Gotta integrate numerically,
We gotta fix our gauge conditions,
We gotta put in factors of c.

I shoulda learned that D-brane theory,
I shoulda learned ’bout BPS,
Look at them conferences, all beggin’ just to get him,
Man, we could be in Trieste,
And he’s out there, what’s that? Another theorem?
He says he found a slick duality?
That ain’t workin’, that’s the way you do it,
Papers for nothing, and your trips for free.

We gotta crank out PN expansions,
Gotta integrate numerically,
We gotta fix our gauge conditions,
We gotta put in factors of c.

Now that ain’t workin’, that’s the way you do it,
You make conjectures at the ITP,
That ain’t workin’, that’s the way you do it,
Papers for nothin’ in the PRD.
Paper’s for nothin’,
Paper’s for nothin’ and your trips for free …

(I guess you have to imagine Sting singing “I…. waaaant myyyyy … I…T…P…” at various places in the background. Excellent.)

You know, given that I suppose I’m one of those little stringers working on slick dualities, I have to say this song is almost as good as being called a Bawdy Strumpet.

Now, off to install that microwave oven, then back to those Private Investigations I have been known to call research.

-cvj

(*I learn of it from the blog Often in Error.)