The Sports Movie Script

Every other time I go to the movies, there is a trailer for yet another sports movie which has exactly the same plot as all the others. Every time I sit there stunned and open-mouthed after the trailer and have a little internal rant (sparing my companion(s)), wonder to myself about what it is about the national psyche that needs this same simplistic story quite so often, and wonder why nobody else seems to notice the phenomenon. It is also noticable that it is one of the rites of passage of a famous male Hollywood star (even really good ones) to play the grizzled coach of the no-hope team….. blah blah blah…. why is that?

Well, to my delight, this morning the programme Morning Edition on NPR played a radio parody (by commentator Frank Deford) of essentially every single one of those movies, getting in all the cliches (stock scenes, standard phrases, standard “plot twists”) that show up every time. It is brilliant!!!

Have a listen, starting from this page.

-cvj

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24 Responses to The Sports Movie Script

  1. ahmed says:

    the quality of sports movies have to improve and it’s high time hollywood comes up with some quality stuff. it has been a long while now.

  2. Moshe says:

    concure—->conquer, I really ought to get a spell check for my browser.

  3. Moshe says:

    Hey Clifford, agreed on the sports movie script, but how about the the maverick-cop script, the love-will-concure-all script (someitmes spiced up with fatal disease), the romantic hate-love relationship, etc. etc…..if I had 10 minutes I’d probably be able to write an exhaustive list, it is really not that long.

    I’d say this is the norm, not the exception, but luckily there is more than enough creativity to keep entertained…

  4. Clifford says:

    Oh come on…. Nobody is talking about movies from the 1930s. How about the ten or more (I just made that number up, I know) pretty much identical sports films that were released in 2005 that are probably now all on DVD? Is that history? And if that is how it is regarded by the “teens”, then who is responsible for that I wonder? Probably the companies who make money out of making these same films again and again.

    -cvj

  5. Belizean says:

    Well, there’s this marvellous thing called “recording”. You can buy them as dvds from the shops….

    Don’t know about you, but I wasn’t attracted to sports films from, say, the 1930s as teenager. I tended to watch only the recent releases. Rememeber, most teens aren’t film history buffs.

  6. John Branch says:

    I suggest North Dallas Forty as an atypical football film. See Janet Maslin’s review in the New York Times.

  7. Clifford says:

    Well, there’s this marvellous thing called “recording”. You can buy them as dvds from the shops….

    -cvj

  8. Belizean says:

    Fresh young teenagers have memories too.

    Only of what they’ve seen. They are unlikely to have seen any of the numerous sports movies that entertained their parents or their grandparents.

  9. Clifford says:

    And (cough! cough!) George Bush Sr.

    -cvj

  10. Paul Clapham says:

    As for Lord of the Rings (Star Wars, Harry Potter) you forgot the important plot element that the previous generation (Bilbo Baggins, Luke’s father, Harry’s parents) must also have gone up against Evil Villain Who Wants To Take Over The World and failed.

  11. David Moles says:

    Bend it like Beckham is quite good, and doesn’t follow the usual plot at all. (Of course it’s not American… hmmm….)

  12. stevem says:

    Yes, one worth checking out. Surprisingly intelligent and interesting plot and concept, and Bach and Shostakovich provide the soundtrack. I think there is special edition dvd now but you want the 70s cult classic starring James Caan and not the terrible 2002 ‘remake’. The original poster and a still:

    http://www.mgm.com/mgm/images/posterart/ROLLERBA-00AA1-poster_hires.jpg

    http://www.the-rocketman.com/dar/DAR%20ROLLERBALL.jpg

  13. Clifford says:

    Stevem… Actually, that sounds rather a good plot. I must catch it some time.

    -cvj

  14. Clifford says:

    Bugger. Lost my money. It is Ok Go. American. I’ve lost my eye for this sort of thing, evidently. (I thought it was a European group dancing to American music.. but it is the group itself). It must have been the “They Might Be Giants” connection that got me off track.

    Thanks!

    -cvj

  15. Clifford says:

    Bee:- Ha Ha. Brilliant!! I’ll bet a bit of money that they are German. At least European. It just stands to reason. It has a “99 Luftballoons meets TransEuro express” aspect to it. I can’t explain.

    Am I right?

    -cvj

  16. stevem says:

    ” I stopped going to sports movies after the first Rollerball”. That was in 1976 and was an 15-18 cert I think so you are showing your age:). Although somewhat dated now I like this movie. The real theme of Rollerball is still an interesting one as far as sports movies go, depicting a totally sterile future with a world controlled by mega corporations who control the masses through violent sport. The point of the game was to show the futility of individuality and individual effort. When the main character of the film becomes a cult hero they then try and destroy him. The dreadful remake totally missed the point. However, the original still manages to convey a sense of bone-crushing violence and carnage.

  17. Bee says:

    also a sports movie… kind of…

    Treadmills rock

    😉

  18. Clifford says:

    For the record… I’ve nothing against sports movies. I just don’t see why they keep making completely identical ones every year. Or at least, the trailers are identical. Maybe that is the problem. I even really like some sports movies, such as……

    …racks brain…

    …more racking…

    …racking continues (getting a bit worried)…

    …. Oh, Lagaan! But my liking it is admittedly more about other stuff (such as the great songs -it’s a Bollywood movie- and the splendid chariacatures of British colonials, etc). Not the alcoholic football coach, the hooker with the heart of gold, blah blah blah……

    And Shaolin Soccer! But there I’m attracted to (and amused by) the idea of the guy wanting Kung-Fu to be more part of everyday life, and that more of the public should appreciate it, and he sets out to find a way to acheive this…..etc, etc. Sounds familiar?

    -cvj

  19. spyder says:

    Fresh young teenagers have memories too.

    And given my age, usually better. I stopped going to war movies after Apocalypse Now and Full Metal Jacket. I stopped going to sports movies after the first RollerBall (and pray tell, why the senseless remaking of old movies and doing so in such terrible ways?).

  20. Clifford says:

    Fresh young teenagers have memories too.

    -cvj

  21. Maybe these movies are aimed a fresh young teenagers, and not gnarled old professors!

  22. stevem says:

    Sports movies do seem to be a standard Hollywood paint-by numbers thing. I must admit I really hate those baseball movies where lighting hits a tree and some clown makes a bat from it, or when there are angels flying about the pitch.

  23. Clifford says:

    Very true indeed. But they seem to make about five of these exact same sports movies every year. At least five. I can’t tell them apart any more.

    -cvj

  24. Sean Carroll says:

    Well, it’s also the plot of, say, Lord of the Rings. People enjoy tales of plucky underdogs undertaking quixotic quests against overwhelming odds, especially when the underdogs are short of stature but graced with the wisdom of a gnarled old coach.